A Rambley Ranty Post During A Weeklong+ Migraine (Love Anyway Blog)

It’s been – wow – 12 years now since I started having chronic migraines (and other issues). As the doctors like telling me, “adult men don’t just start having migraines in their late 30s” (and now I’m 50). And we still don’t have a diagnosis as to “what is wrong with Allen”. So we manage my symptoms as best we can and watch the spots that showed up in my brain that don’t appear to be cancer, but we don’t know what they are, and with Botox and other such things we try to manage my symptoms.

But I still get migraines. And sometimes they’re brutal and very long lasting. Sometimes I don’t have ‘headache days’ I have “headache weeks”. And that’s been this week.

I still try to do things when I have a headache. I try to distract myself and keep a normal routine or maybe play some video games or something to keep my brain from dwelling on how much my brain works. It doesn’t always work because a pain level of 4 can go to a 9 even when I’m trying, but sometimes it does.

So here I am, Sunday morning trying to keep some sort of normal activity going. Even though my blogging has been sporadic at best, it’s my choice of normal for the moment. So you get to enjoy all the stuff I’m going to just dump out of my brain.

And the biggest issue, of course, is guns. Guns guns guns. Everyone is talking about guns. Guns are bad. Don’t take my guns. Arm the teachers. That guy that took his gun apart did it wrong. And a million billion other distractions from the real issue:

We have a mass murder problem here in the US. No other country has this problem. Other countries have it figured out (and no, before you argue, none of them have completely stopped it, and yes, others have found ‘other ways’ but on a per capita basis, the US still have a huge mass murder problem.)

And in spite of everyone talking about it, no one seems really interested in doing anything to fix it. Oh it’s a mental health problem, oh it’s a gun show problem, oh it’s a background check problem, and everyone is giving reasons why they are right and everyone else is wrong and no one is ACTUALLY DOING SOMETHING TO STOP CHILDREN FROM GETTING MURDERED IN SCHOOL.

There are no ‘one thing fix all’ solutions. There’s no piece of legislation that will stop all ‘bad guys’ for all time. And yes, someone really determined will “find another way”, but LET’S MAKE IT AS HARD AS F’ING POSSIBLE!

And more murder machines is not the answer. And yes, they’re murder machines. They are devices made to kill people. Handguns, so-called assault rifles, they are designed for one purpose, to send pieces of metal tearing through a human body. They’re not good for hunting, they’re not precision instruments made for target shooting like you’d see in the olympics, they are made to hurt and kill human beings. Putting more murder machines out there leads to more murder. Like bees. You don’t stop killer bee swarms with more killer bee swarms. That just leads to more death by killer bee swarms.

And no, I don’t have a solution. Because there is not one solution. But a START would be MAKING HARDER FOR MURDERERS TO GET MURDER MACHINES.

Quit telling me it’s hard. Quit telling me it won’t work. Maybe it won’t, but IT HAS ALREADY WORKED IN OTHER COUNTRIES SO LET’S TRY!

 

And if you want to tell me it’s all about mental health THEN LET’S DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT! Start be reinstating the law making it illegal for someone with a mental illness to buy a gun. The second piece of legislation Trump signed as President was to make it legal after it having been made illegal during the Obama administration. Why? Because of some out-dated interpretation of the Second Amendment?

And if you are willing to do something about mental health, then let’s talk about healthcare, single-payer health coverage, so that everyone who actually has a mental illness can get treatment. Let’s talk about equality and financial inequality. Let’s talk about a living wage.

No? Don’t want to talk about all that? Why not? Because it’s just easier to say “Mental Illness! Wubba Lubba Dub Dub! Gimme a beer!” and continue to do nothing which has been the case since pretty much the early 80s when Reagan was elected?

How many dead children are acceptable to you? At what number will you start caring and agree to sit down and talk about it?

And if you say “what about abortion” know that I fucking hate “what aboutism” because that’s literally just a distraction. We can ‘what about’ all day long. What about vaccines? What about African children being eaten by lions? What about that tribe in the Amazon that was wiped out so oil companies can drill on their land? What about the price of tea in China? That’s a distraction too that literally means nothing. Stay on topic.

And not to speak in absolutes, but this is really an all or nothing stance. Either you are against dead children, or you are OK with it. Children are not soldiers or policemen who signed up for a dangerous job. The lives of children are not a price we pay for freedom. Dead children are not the cost of your right to own a murder machine. That price is too high. One child is a price too high.


On the personal side of things, besides my chronic pain, things have been N-U-T-S nuts.

Two of my kids have joined a new church. And while, on the one hand, I am happy that they are exploring their spirituality and have taken ownership of it rather than ‘coasting’ on mom and dad dragging them to church, on the other I am really super conflicted that the church they joined is ‘different’. While my own spiritual growth has led me to have a much more (but not entirely) universalist view and I’m not really ‘fearing for their immortal souls’, but when one has been taught and believed for a long time that some churches are ‘bad’ it’s hard to overcome that. But I know that’s me. They’re adults. I need to respect their right to choose a different path than mine.

Also, that’s kind of a drop in the bucket compared to other things going on. Two of my adult daughters live with us, with their kids. One going through a very messy divorce, the other dealing with a custody battle in court. And my wife and I are just stuck in the middle, trying to do what’s best for our kids and their kids.

And don’t get me started on the money.

So so much stress.

And then a week-long migraine on top of it, unable to help or do anything to relieve THEIR stress….

oy.


 

And since I brought it up again, let’s talk about chronic pain.

It freaking sucks.

I know some of you reading this can relate, since you’re in the same boat.

Mine is crippling enough that I can’t work, at least not in any traditional job. Daily chores are all but impossible. I am pretty much bed ridden most days.

It really freaking sucks.

If it weren’t for a decent internet connection and streaming video services and Amazon Prime Reading (‘free’ books) I would lose my mind.


My rant is winding down. So I’ll stop here.

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